Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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