oh god was she eating orange peels again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They took my balls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
