i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
