You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Your dad touched me again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
