the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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