i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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