I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
