plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
