Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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