The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize