the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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