since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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