Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
