My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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