she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
