How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
