Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
