I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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