Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
