So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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