you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
