I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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