I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
