absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
