Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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