My boss' voice literally gives me gas
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
