i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh god it's open bar.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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