Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
