Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize