i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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