I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Even my vagina gasped.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
