fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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