I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
