There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
