thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
