you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
