This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
