the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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