im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
