Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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