Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
