you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
