I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
one might say we're banned from that church
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize