My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
