My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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