just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Its about making memories worth repressing
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
