a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
