After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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