Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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