Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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