I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my shit smells like andre
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize