My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
