hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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