I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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