i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
