So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
