First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
