i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
