When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
