last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
