Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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