I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drake has all the answers
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
