I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
