i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need to align my fucking chakras
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
