How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
