I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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