After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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