feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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